the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
