so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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