So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
