you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
