I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm gonna have a badass scar
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
