Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
