Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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