Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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