You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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