Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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