I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
