how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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