this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
