And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
