my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
