Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
50% drunk capacity currently
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
