All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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