if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
