i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
