would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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