Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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