i jhust puked up my retainher.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
