My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
