rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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