No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
