I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
should my penis look like a turkey
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
