i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
