I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
