I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
