There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
