you guys were way drunker than both of me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
