Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
