yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
