I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
