i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want nice things and good sex
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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