Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
