I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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