There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
