I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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