i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
