I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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