A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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