i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Less talking, more tequila
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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