i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have fence marks all over my body
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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