At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
