I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
