cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
