yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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