matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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