I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
