How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
