Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
