we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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