At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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