This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
