I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
