I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize