there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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