Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
