Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
